Senioritis or Defeat?

Perhaps I've been blaming my absences throughout my daily life on my soon to be graduation. But, deep down, I know I've been defeated.
-Softball looses it's appeal it's had all my life. The season couldn't have ended any sooner for me. As horrible of a taste that phrase in my mouth. It's real.
-Music playing lost all it's fire. I blamed my lack of practicing and skill on softball season and complete lack of time. But, turns out I just didn't want to play. But after rejection letters, and a complete memory loss in the middle of the state performance.... maybe it's time I set my violin down. I've never forgotten a song while playing it before. Especially a song I've had memorized since February. What happened during my state performance was utterly embarrassing. Something I wish to never relive. My recital on Saturday, and Senior recital next month have turned into burdens rather than celebratory events. Stage fright full throttle. What has become of me?
-Homework time turns into reading time. I'm passing my classes and graduating regardless of these last few assignments. Why not catch up on Harry Ron and Hermione instead of parameters, confidence intervals, and persuasive essays.

I'm not giving up on life. I'm not even sure I'm ready for my new chapter to start come September. But maybe it's time to reevaluate my reality, and patch up the holes that have been created these past few months.